"ring, ring"

TechSup: Hello, undead technical support. May I please have your name and the date of your death?

Customer: Ummmm, yes. I am Vlad the Impaler and I am a GREAT AND MIGHTY VAMPIRE!!!

TS: Can I please have your date of death, sir? We have currently around 120 Vlad the Impalers on file, it's a fairly common name among the undead.

Cust: Ummm, yeah... uhhh, well you see, I haven't actually died yet. I was just sort of, you know, looking to see if someone would, you know, bite me, or if there is some sort of trial...?

TS: Yes, sir. Unfortunately, we can not provide that service. I would, however, point you towards your nearest foreboding castle or dark alley to find a blood sucking fiend of your choice.